I grew up without a father. I never admitted how growing up without a father affected me until I became a father myself just recently. For many years I lived with feelings of guilt, shame and disbelief in humanity and love. For many years, I used to drink my pain away and I became alcoholic. Alcoholism made me dropout from school, it almost made me enter prison two times due to fights under alcohol effect, and I lost my driving license because of alcoholism. Now, I am trying to put myself together, I have to admit, I am trying to do this mainly for my baby girl, who is now two months old. It is a hard journey, specially that I am not part of any public support. I am afraid to shame my wife if I declare publicly that I am alcoholic. Even though, sometimes I feel that everyone knows and they talk about it, but not in front of my face. Now I am having more sober days because of my baby girl, I want to be present for her.
One of the moments that I like to recall, whenever I need to restore my faith in humanity is a moment where I was standing meters away from “Ljubljanica” river in Ljubljana. I suddenly saw people running down the river, I saw people jumping in the river, strangers jumping in the river and others throwing a rob. When I looked closer, I saw a woman in the river, she is a woman who jumped intentionally in the river. She tried to kill herself, but strangers from the street rushed after her, without any fear, those people risked their lives to save the life of a stranger.
I cry each time I remember this story. I think “maybe my father turned his back on me, yes maybe he abandoned me without even explaining why, but love and humanity are still existing, and I shall stay sober for love, humanity and most importantly for my wife and daughter” This is how I think in my good days.